Today is one of those beautiful blue sky days.

The kind that makes the troubles on your mind fade.

Today is one of those spectacular cloud days.

The kind that makes you want to lay out side and die days.

It would be ok.

Because of the way the calm pulls itself over you, makes life for an instant…feel complete.

Stare out unfocused and watch them drift by, wishing every second that I could live that life.

And then at that moment when you feel it, when you feel the blessing of this day.

When you feel your gears slow down,

When you feel it all float away,

in that moment

you felt heaven for a split second.

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There are black boards and white boards..

Why don’t they have navy blue boards?

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Looking up at the sky brings me to ponder.

Toe wonder if there are others like me that walk staring up.

Marveling at the terrific blue hue spotted with white marshmallows.

Do they think what I’m thinking?

I hope everyone takes time to look.

I know lives are busy, but it’s more like they are busy wasting life.

Whats the point if you don’t enjoy the sky, the trees, the laughter, the pain, the fear, the friendships, or the love.

It’s an amazing world.

Enjoy it.

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Drifting off to another plane of consciousness

I get a feeling I enjoy.

I start to go through my archived memories.

Missing some times, loathing some times.

Paging through the past like scenes from a move.

But it’s not a move, it’s my life.

Even at this young age it seems a lifetime has passed.

A whole world of events already gone.

But not really gone.

Savor the moment

Take risks

Because that’s the only real way to make the most of what we have

It won’t kill you, so why not?

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Decided to make it all one post.  Wrote out that stuff while walking to class and during class today.

Walking down the street tonight with the moon so bright

Onward past the street lights I remember a time of old

where this beautiful soul was crushed cold by the smothering touch of the one he used to hold

Black and bruised feeling broken and used,

abused and confused inside the turmoil this time

beyond compare, just sit and stare

the wonder and amazement and the fracturing display meant that I guess it hurts from time to time

but thats fine

It’s ok to rewind and find inside the things that you like to hide

It’s just so much easier to be blind to your insides

With the half cocked eyes of an unenthusiastic boy, I used to stare at the world.  Uninterested in all of the splendor life has to offer, I spent those years as nothing but a husk of flesh, hollowed out by a fascist regime designed to “enrich” my life.  I’m free now.  I found what was once beaten down, and it returns to claim its place.  All weirdness, and hilarity seems to have returned.  The goofyness, strangeness, not afraid to be that way, no reservations, its fantastic to feel another piece of me return.  This dream is so great.

Don’t wake me.

Please.

It’s these miles and miles that I can’t stand. Do you get it? Can you fathom or even begin to understand? There are so many places to go, to visit, to take in. I find it trying, to be bound by something like money. What a trivial nuance, but what large binding force it is; money. I’ve got places and people to see, culture to absorb. I find it so much more enjoyable than the drab lack of culture in this place.

The spacious boundary between a soul linked so coincidentally to one such as mine. Like mind, like soul. It is astounding to me to find a person such as you. Guided by the hand of God; I feel. Some light shining on me for once. It felt good to see and know that he will not forget what I’ve done. The sacrifices that have been made. I know that he will bring about my time, showing appreciation for all I’ve given up for others.

It’s really nice to feel me again. I have missed you so much good friend, with your true goodness, I am not forced to wear my guise. Finally I feel genuine within myself, pulling out the me inside that was forced to hide for quite some time inside in order to abide by the expectations forced on my free spirit. I watched him come forth again with glee, and he hasn’t even departed. The time has been too extensive that a prolonged stay by my true self has blessed me with his presence. Please don’t leave again, because the weights I bear when you are here simply don’t feel

So heavy.

A radiant light emits,
this skin is a medium.
The aura is unfakeable;
projected with effort unfeasible.
Pour profusely now, into the air.
Feel the energy flowing outward;
expunged.
Around me.
Can you feel me?
Pour this spirit out unto the world, enriching, supporting those needing it.
Oftentimes feeling that it’s why I’m here, and I think it’s time to embrace what has been put onto me as my role.
I feel a comforting complacence,
knowing I can get them farther,
as I remain here.

How can one, so joyful and full of life.
Appearing so normal, so fine.
Seem so jovial, and so ok.
Be not.
Ok.

How can it be that I am so unlike the way I appear to those around me? Why do I wear a happy facade while deep inside lurks an unexplainable depression that slowly corrodes my insides. No one understands, in person, on the outside, is that happy guy, but why can’t he be inside.

It’s discouraging to me, to know that inside, the plea, is for me, to be,

o.k.

There is a pyre of ten thousand corpses burning within. The searing flames licking my insides as rage builds to momentous proportion throughout. What the fuck is going on. You say your glad it happened. Now you are communing with the enemy. If it’s on purpose I will rain fire and brimstone from this hellfire brewing inside.

And now it’s interesting. Looking from afar, I can see things I couldn’t see before. I think it’s funny. I chuckle secretly, viewing your actions of self indulgence and the mockery you are making of life.

What a change you have made my dear, what a facade you wear. Numb your feelings of regret with the nectar of pirates.

Your gratuitous indulgence in attention whoring is getting you no place.  The momentary boost of self esteem.  It’s an abominable drug darling, and you’re caught hook line and sinker.

How you used to look down on them, with harsh words that you spoke about them. Now you are them. The camouflage you wear is ever changing, fake as you are.

And I laugh inside.

Floating skyward.  I can still smell you on my pillow.  It drifts in slowly as I lie in bed, waiting for slumber.  There is much work to be done for that one to be won.  A long arduous trip I’m sure.

But well worth it.

The fruits of my time, waiting, patience.  Once I receive the return, joy shall fill this gaping space.  Fill me up.  Transcendental bliss.  Come upon me.  Envelop me in your graceful bosom.  I can’t wait for it, although I must do so.

Some day.  I will get to relieve her too.  Ease her tormented times of stress and anguish.  I’ll get to be the rock, the steady hand, the anchor that will keep her sane.

I can see the match.   The puzzle in the grand scheme.  I can only hope she is the other piece.

Of me.

Behind a barricade.
Locked up like a maiden in a tower.
There is even a dragon that guards it.

It’s soft and little.  Squishy.  Easily tormented by traitorous toilings of those who can get close.  It takes time.  An undetermined amount of time.  Just wait.  You will reach the chalice if you persevere.

Don’t scratch it.  I scar easily.

And if I get any more this deep it may fall apart, into tiny shreds of the scraps that make up whats left of my insides.

Be grateful you made it to the prize.

Just choose to use your power wisely.  I can’t bear any more misdoings right now.  Repairs have only begun.