Clouds and randomness

Today is one of those beautiful blue sky days.

The kind that makes the troubles on your mind fade.

Today is one of those spectacular cloud days.

The kind that makes you want to lay out side and die days.

It would be ok.

Because of the way the calm pulls itself over you, makes life for an instant…feel complete.

Stare out unfocused and watch them drift by, wishing every second that I could live that life.

And then at that moment when you feel it, when you feel the blessing of this day.

When you feel your gears slow down,

When you feel it all float away,

in that moment

you felt heaven for a split second.

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There are black boards and white boards..

Why don’t they have navy blue boards?

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Looking up at the sky brings me to ponder.

Toe wonder if there are others like me that walk staring up.

Marveling at the terrific blue hue spotted with white marshmallows.

Do they think what I’m thinking?

I hope everyone takes time to look.

I know lives are busy, but it’s more like they are busy wasting life.

Whats the point if you don’t enjoy the sky, the trees, the laughter, the pain, the fear, the friendships, or the love.

It’s an amazing world.

Enjoy it.

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Drifting off to another plane of consciousness

I get a feeling I enjoy.

I start to go through my archived memories.

Missing some times, loathing some times.

Paging through the past like scenes from a move.

But it’s not a move, it’s my life.

Even at this young age it seems a lifetime has passed.

A whole world of events already gone.

But not really gone.

Savor the moment

Take risks

Because that’s the only real way to make the most of what we have

It won’t kill you, so why not?

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Decided to make it all one post.  Wrote out that stuff while walking to class and during class today.

Remembrance

Walking down the street tonight with the moon so bright

Onward past the street lights I remember a time of old

where this beautiful soul was crushed cold by the smothering touch of the one he used to hold

Black and bruised feeling broken and used,

abused and confused inside the turmoil this time

beyond compare, just sit and stare

the wonder and amazement and the fracturing display meant that I guess it hurts from time to time

but thats fine

It’s ok to rewind and find inside the things that you like to hide

It’s just so much easier to be blind to your insides

We’re Waiting

They wait now for the perfect time and scene

Mark off the days on the calendar till we can

Kill this endless interim

The moment is coming dear

Like each second ticking by waiting for a sunrise

the anticipation grows

while the soul grows weary

stick it out

stick it out now because in the end it will be worth it

the breaking of dawn comes soon

and the sun will drown us in its glow

Sometimes I have those days where every breath is a chore cuz I just find myself not wanting to do it anymore. Just give up and die like a fly in a sider web. Sometimes I feel like I’ve been living life like a roach without a head. And its been six days and 23 hours, ready to jump off a roof of one of the tallest towers.

But it’s times like these we gotta sit back and compare, and stare at the lives of others that we don’t share. See how they live everyday grievously. It’s plain to see, that life isn’t that bad for you, you just need a healthy dose of reality.

Can’t believe I came up with that immediately after waking up this morning hah

The all over the place post

It’s these miles and miles that I can’t stand. Do you get it? Can you fathom or even begin to understand? There are so many places to go, to visit, to take in. I find it trying, to be bound by something like money. What a trivial nuance, but what large binding force it is; money. I’ve got places and people to see, culture to absorb. I find it so much more enjoyable than the drab lack of culture in this place.

The spacious boundary between a soul linked so coincidentally to one such as mine. Like mind, like soul. It is astounding to me to find a person such as you. Guided by the hand of God; I feel. Some light shining on me for once. It felt good to see and know that he will not forget what I’ve done. The sacrifices that have been made. I know that he will bring about my time, showing appreciation for all I’ve given up for others.

It’s really nice to feel me again. I have missed you so much good friend, with your true goodness, I am not forced to wear my guise. Finally I feel genuine within myself, pulling out the me inside that was forced to hide for quite some time inside in order to abide by the expectations forced on my free spirit. I watched him come forth again with glee, and he hasn’t even departed. The time has been too extensive that a prolonged stay by my true self has blessed me with his presence. Please don’t leave again, because the weights I bear when you are here simply don’t feel

So heavy.

Aura

A radiant light emits,
this skin is a medium.
The aura is unfakeable;
projected with effort unfeasible.
Pour profusely now, into the air.
Feel the energy flowing outward;
expunged.
Around me.
Can you feel me?
Pour this spirit out unto the world, enriching, supporting those needing it.
Oftentimes feeling that it’s why I’m here, and I think it’s time to embrace what has been put onto me as my role.
I feel a comforting complacence,
knowing I can get them farther,
as I remain here.

The Guise

How can one, so joyful and full of life.
Appearing so normal, so fine.
Seem so jovial, and so ok.
Be not.
Ok.

How can it be that I am so unlike the way I appear to those around me? Why do I wear a happy facade while deep inside lurks an unexplainable depression that slowly corrodes my insides. No one understands, in person, on the outside, is that happy guy, but why can’t he be inside.

It’s discouraging to me, to know that inside, the plea, is for me, to be,

o.k.

Of Memories and Dreams

Watch the fan blades spin.
Feel the waves flow through.
Wicked testimonial,
of what you’ve been through.
To relive the past.
Defiling dreams.
Not lasting,
but denied.
The never ending circumstances,
to reduce the hope.
The star then beckons,
glimmers so sweet,
but soon to be snuffed again.
What does the night sky have to offer,
in all it’s beauty?
Out shined by the lights of man.
I can’t see the stars here anymore,
I can’t see them….

Here’s the poem I mentioned wayyy in the beginning that I needed to get out of the journal it was published in. Finally made it out to my moms to get it.

Floating skyward.  I can still smell you on my pillow.  It drifts in slowly as I lie in bed, waiting for slumber.  There is much work to be done for that one to be won.  A long arduous trip I’m sure.

But well worth it.

The fruits of my time, waiting, patience.  Once I receive the return, joy shall fill this gaping space.  Fill me up.  Transcendental bliss.  Come upon me.  Envelop me in your graceful bosom.  I can’t wait for it, although I must do so.

Some day.  I will get to relieve her too.  Ease her tormented times of stress and anguish.  I’ll get to be the rock, the steady hand, the anchor that will keep her sane.

I can see the match.   The puzzle in the grand scheme.  I can only hope she is the other piece.

Of me.

Woke up from a dream today.  You were in it.

Wondering why.

Am I just forcing myself to see a reality that isn’t true?  A reality where it doesn’t hurt when thoughts  of you float through? If i believed or perceived things that way, would I be fooling myself?  or protecting myself?

I can’t deny it.  The sting of these memories is buried deep inside.  I keep it hidden behind the walls I’ve built to protect my brittle being. He is softer than most will ever know.

Salutations heartache.

Something I wish I could say.