Sweet dreams
Had a nice dream last night. In it, me and a girl I’ve been getting to hang out with were relaxing near each other. After a little bit, I pulled her closer to me, and we started kissing softly.
Kinda short I guess, but I felt very mentally fulfilled by the dream. It definitely wasn’t an extremely visual dream, mostly emotional I guess.
Love every second of it 
.
Having withdrawals. Lacking that person, I think it’s what hurts the most. Not the specific person.
Just having.
Someone.
Floating skyward. I can still smell you on my pillow. It drifts in slowly as I lie in bed, waiting for slumber. There is much work to be done for that one to be won. A long arduous trip I’m sure.
But well worth it.
The fruits of my time, waiting, patience. Once I receive the return, joy shall fill this gaping space. Fill me up. Transcendental bliss. Come upon me. Envelop me in your graceful bosom. I can’t wait for it, although I must do so.
Some day. I will get to relieve her too. Ease her tormented times of stress and anguish. I’ll get to be the rock, the steady hand, the anchor that will keep her sane.
I can see the match. The puzzle in the grand scheme. I can only hope she is the other piece.
Of me.
Behind a barricade.
Locked up like a maiden in a tower.
There is even a dragon that guards it.
It’s soft and little. Squishy. Easily tormented by traitorous toilings of those who can get close. It takes time. An undetermined amount of time. Just wait. You will reach the chalice if you persevere.
Don’t scratch it. I scar easily.
And if I get any more this deep it may fall apart, into tiny shreds of the scraps that make up whats left of my insides.
Be grateful you made it to the prize.
Just choose to use your power wisely. I can’t bear any more misdoings right now. Repairs have only begun.
Woke up from a dream today. You were in it.
Wondering why.
Am I just forcing myself to see a reality that isn’t true? A reality where it doesn’t hurt when thoughts of you float through? If i believed or perceived things that way, would I be fooling myself? or protecting myself?
I can’t deny it. The sting of these memories is buried deep inside. I keep it hidden behind the walls I’ve built to protect my brittle being. He is softer than most will ever know.
Salutations heartache.
Something I wish I could say.
Dry spell =X
Now that it’s summer I work a lot with my dad doing construction stuff. Usually in the first half of the day I have all this time to think because I do concrete drilling, so I’m stuck using ear plugs, listening to only my thoughts really. It bites because I can come up with cool lines and things of that nature, but I can’t write them down because I’m working. Soooo, I guess I’ll just write this normal blog post. It’s lonely here at my dads over the summer, no friends out here, aside from one pretty lady, but she works nights 
. Since gas is getting so expensive, I don’t know if I’m going to be able to visit my friends up near my moms very much, which is saddening. Growing up sucks.
Soul searching through the night like a bat in space. Unable to find my way around in this place. Every once in awhile I get lucky. Stumbling upon a piece of myself, I tremble with excitement. Quick as I can, I jot it down. Keep it on some crumpled paper, like the rest of me. A collection of paper scraps, blurbs, and nonsense spread out on the floor.
I’m a mess just like it. Strewn all about, in a manner that could be described as organized chaos. That’s just how I live my life I guess.
Growing up
Tick tock.
Back and forth these waves push.
Wishy washy.
I want some stability inside.
Topsy turby.
Can’t I feel the same for more than a few days?
Back and forth.
I know someday it will come.
Good and bad.
Maybe this is all just growing up.
Don’t regret, but don’t forget.
These times are what make us, shape us, break us, save us, amaze us.
Longing for solid ground.
Grasping to Dreams
And I hope with every ounce of effort put forth by me, that it comes to fruition. With all the hope I have, that it doesn’t go to waste. I pray that the desirable ending doesn’t elude me again. I long for an ending that won’t break my soul into a myriad of pieces barely resembling the man that made it so far.
I will aspire.
I will ascend.
I will climb my way back from the valley of shadows to become again what I once was.
I just hope that when I return to the pinnacle, that I get to reside there forever. In a dream world of fantasy where this young fool’s heart becomes invincible. A place where I can combine these tattered pieces of me together with those of another so strong, so beautiful, so perfect, so that not even the wrath of god may shatter the stitches of love with which our hearts and souls will be sewn together.
Someday I pray.
Someday I hope.
I will get there.
