drowning
I’m here, drowning.
The depression storms in not unlike a heathen from my darkest nightmares.
I guess I will just sit here and take it.
In uninspired agony I will be here, reveling in what has become of me.
Chuckling at the pathetic husk that remains after being chewed up and spit out by the unforgiving insides of this poor boy. They are unforgiving you know? Uncontrollable in nature, they tear at me for their delight it would seem; haunting me.
I’m here, drowning.
What a familiar feeling.
do we ever really know?
Do we ever really know?
Your elusiveness makes this hard to bear. I’m crushing myself with a vast unknowing of what you think.
Why do I do this to myself? Every time I catch wind of you my mind takes off like a rocket.
The relentless impossibility is killing me. Will circumstances always kill the momentum that is needed to catch you? Maybe you kill it on purpose.
I will never know.
Fading
The past few hours, realization came. It flowed in like a trickling stream. The euphoria is leaving. A return to normalcy is upon me and I’m dreading its triumphant return.
Back to the depths my insides will head. I guess I knew that the happiness wouldn’t last for that long. Somewhere inside I really hoped it would at least stay a bit longer.
I can feel it fading. Like a candle at the end of its wick, it will fade. If I am so lucky, someday I will receive a new source of light inside. I’m sure until then though, my emotions will be doomed to wear a ravishing shroud if mediocrity.
I hope I get some light soon.
torrent
The reasoning behind this torrent of treacherous calamity filtering through my chaotic crust covered soul escapes me as I try to fill the void within with something other than a vivacious yearning to replace what I have since lost.
Break up
The endless seconds on the phone before you said it created a boundless pressure.
I already knew what you would say before you did, my twisted up insides knew the story.
When you finally spoke, there was a shockwave of blinding affirmation.
A calm drew itself over me, as my insides went to battle.
I became nothing but a dormant surface while a firestorm of emotions raged inside.
Nothing will ever seem as eternal as the night I lay awake buried in images of disgust and regret.
The time finally came to put what we both saw coming on the table.
The stars will never be as beautiful as your eyes were when I told you it was over.
the break up.
moving
I’ll travel in this direction, regardless of what happens, but i’ll stop to smell the roses, I won’t forget my passion.
Press forward through the unyielding fog, focusing on the beacon. The promise of a better time, hoping for the season.
There I will take root, finally settled in position, thank God that I made it, thank God I can stop moving.
The Sadness
This was from a long time ago, just wanting to get my stuff all in one place.
everday its all the same,
time goes by, nothings changed,
ill always wake up, ill always feel cold,
ill always wish i had something to hold,
i feel kinda lonely i feel kinda down,
i wonder how easily i could be drowned,
i think of the times back in the day,
i think of the times before things turned
grey, sometimes i wonder how i got in this
hole, sometimes i wish i could cleanse my
soul, leave everything behind and start
anew, a new place with new people,
i wish it were true,
the times they change,
things remain the same,
the deadness inside,
i wish it would fade,to feel things again,
would be such a pleasure,
but i do not know if i can uncover this treasure.
